Problem number one: I am experiencing today, something very profound and new. I am concious, and fully aware that my brain and my body are not releasing enough chemicals to make me into a 'normal', 'happy', 'functional' human being. Thus, I feel the mad urge to break my body into tiny pieces for doing this to me. I am stuck in layers and layers of spider web so desperate to break out and I can't. I worry about what this may lead to.
Problem number two: I dunno. In films and stuff and the things we are brought up on and made to believe, pretty people who are exactly the same end up together in perfect relationships and live happily ever after. I wonder what taboo I am breaking. Whether it's me or my heart. Do I want someone to look after, or does my heart actually desire Benjamin. Well, typing it has in fact answered it in my mind. But I dunno, I just look at couples, and i'm just 'what the fuck!', he could do much better than her, what is she doing with him. Fucking teenage culture. What an age we live in. I want a man who will take me to the dance and want nothing more than a kiss on the cheek after walking me to my doorstep.
I am high on more codiene that i found lying around. Thus, i'm gonna give myself a big dose of SHUTTUP-EY
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