Hahahaha

I've fucking lost the plot!!!!!

Welcome to the UK

That Beck song lasted the whole way home.
Maybe because I walked fast. Or maybe because it was supposed to.
I'm getting the hell outta this place.
I need to find my love.
And until I can get outta this place, i'll use whatever chemicals I need to simulate this.
Fuck this.

...

COME ON LIFE! I AM TIRED OF BEING IN LIMBO!

By saying something stupid like "I like you"

Just something in passing that my mom said to me yesterday in the car. That I'm not supposed to be here. She has known that ever since I flatlined as a baby. And that she is scared of the powers that I have hidden inside of myself.

Blood donation

The draining of the blood must be marked. Purely because of the weird state that I am in.
AND I KNOW HOW FUCKING INSANE I WILL SOUND, SO DON'T EVEN GO THERE SISTER
But I could feel the blood, the life, draining, through my arm and out into oblivion. I reached a wonderful meditative state. I placed myself in Ben's body, for all the times that he has had to lie there, 'attached'.
And since coming home. I am very depressed. As if the strength has also left me. My mind is racing at a million miles an hour, yet my body, is in a state of serene slow motion.
I think I'm enjoying this.
I hope that my blood does not carry any of 'me' in it, to transfuse into somebody else. That would be horrible for them.

NO WALLOWING

This evening. Precisely 30 minutes of violin practice. One full chapter of my book in the newly appointed reading chair. Time to get my crap ready for work tomorrow and put a film on.
Done.

For him x

I listen to that piano place you once played me in my room.
Sat by the window, with the raindrops falling upon it like the tears on my face.
And I twist my hair around and around my finger, whilst every goose pimple on my body stands up as high as it can.
And I miss you.
Again. And Again. And Again.