The Valium Days

Mr Doc gave me my much saught after medication. Not that it's gonna do anything. If it could change time or allow me to tinker with current situations, now, that would be a drug i'm interested in!
Still.
Adding another drug to my concoction that I gobble down each day will keep me on the path of the little socio-path that I am.
I've been sleeping most of the day. Maybe that makes me a coward, but fuck you. I know it's seven thirty, but my head seems very confused as to what the actual time of the day is. Somehow, my body clock has fucked up. Maybe those drugs did what I wanted afterall. Kinda?
This evening looks like a waste of time. Time time time time time time.
Ben sent me an email. I didn't expect it to be as upbeat and positive as it was. But there again, I didn't expect him to try and kill himself after the upbeat text message he sent me on Sunday night... I can't reply to him. I'm experiencing something that is very very foreign to me. I am furious at him. I am furious at him for using the words 'I love you' as some sort of apology for what he did. I am furious that he just discarded whatever feelings I harbour for him and just went ahead anyway. I am furious that he didn't even consider his family, his friends. How we would all feel.
Tuesday was denial. Wednesday was panic. Thursday is anger.
Friday i'm in love! Write about this you Robert Smith fuck.
But no. Right now. I don't know what I would even say. I think for the first time, he needs to leave me alone so I can just get my head around the events. God. Typical. I'm crying. You know when you really loathe someone so bad? I fucking loathe myself real bad.