The Outback Steakhouse Diaries.

The only two times I have ever been to that place, I was silently contemplating a fresh, significant breakup.
I had work today. But I was awake at 7am. My mind, pacing with anxiety.
As Winter draws closer.
As Christmas Eve, comes nearer.
As Christmas sets in.
As the New Year, begins.
I worry.
I worry, because I am not lucky in love.
I am me.
And it seems to me, that it is written that I must relive heartache, over, and over.
And over.
I will forever carry my heart in my throat, and hold my breath tight.
Because each time, I have known deep down.
But carried on in denial.
And now, I wonder, if I am just in denial.
If I will relive last Christmas, again.
And it plagues my mind over and over and over.
I lost the abilty to trust someone not to cheat on me. But I forgave him.
But now, I think I have lost the ability to trust somebody to love me.

And I am sure that I am destined to be alone.