Dear Blog.
I haven't forgotten about you.
Far from it. In fact, ridiculously, I've felt guilty for abandoning you.
This isn't your fault.
It's mine.
I've been trying to ignore all my feelings, bottling them up inside my head and pretending they don't exist in a hands over the ears 'la la la la' kinda fashion.
Well, tonight, I exploded. Or imploded. I don't know which.
And boy howdy.
Boy howdy, do I love Benjamin. For being so understanding. For not thinking that I'm a complete and utter psycho. An insane, insecure freak, with far too much baggage. An annoying woman.
I love him so much. It's perplexing. I was expecting him to hate me. But he didn't.
I guess it's because I'm with a genuinely nice guy. Which is something new. Something privileged. And something I'm going to have to learn to live with.
I'll never be worthy of him.
I've applied for a job. A proper job. A real job. With a salary. Doing something that I actually want to do, that I might enjoy. I want to start building a future for Ben and I. There's no point screwing around anymore. This is serious stuff. I think I've actually entered 'life'.
Fingers crossed.
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